I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
