I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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