A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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