Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
