Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
