if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Randomize
