Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
