apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
