when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
