i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
