hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude i'm inner monologue high
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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