apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
