I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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