so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
