just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
