she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
