it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
