Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
