i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
