if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
