just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
