I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
