i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
