I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
