so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
