You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
