I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
