My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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