just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
