i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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