You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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