69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
home. puking in laundry basket.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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