I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
