btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
