Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
