I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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