quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
