I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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