when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
