I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
