Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We need to get me chipped asap
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
