I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
