The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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