speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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