So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
