First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
