the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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