Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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