he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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