??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
