I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
