She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
