I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
